It's amazing the amount of ways the world has to say "Fuck you". Unlike me simply giving one of my mate's the bird, the world (now on referred to as the man, whereas actual men are referred to as he's :)) decides that that's not good enough, and throws ample amounts of shit at you till you realise the simple message the man was trying to send. "Fuck you, user"
And this user is here to cry about it lol. I also find it amazing that people will generally always carry through with things that they know they will regret. Curiousity has gotten the best of many cats, this one too. And he strikes and strikes again. I imagine that curiousity is just one of the man's tools.
Along the lines of revelation once again, it's amazing how right I am about stuff I don't want to be right about. I can't for sure say that the next hand will be blackjack; I'm never even close. But I can successfully predict how unfortunate my situation will end up. Before I go into the casino I can tell I'll walk out poorer (maybe not the greatest example). But I can also tell when im going to make money. I can tell when he likes her, and when he knows something he doesn't. I know when her likes he. I know when the slight look or criticism means he's not on your side. I know whose side he's on. I know everything I didn't want to. I wish for oblivion. But alas, getting drunk is oh so expensive, and the man just keeps sending my kryptonite, that sweet sweet curiousity. I'm a sweet tooth for knowing things I don't want to.
How do I predict? I guess I'll never really know. But if I had to hazard a guess I'd say adaption. Knowing how to read people means you can manipulate the situation, if not the person. Body language and reading between the lines with my ears and eyes is becoming something I'm getting better and better at.
Why do I listen to sad music? I bet you'd hazard a guess to her. Her won't read this. And he definitely won't. And neither will he. So I'm free to say what I like. And I guess her is falling asleep to thoughts of he. Which one? The most desirable. Not that her desires. Oh no her tells me, it's harmless flirting. I call her bluff. I did, and got nothing. But I've still always known. It's the sweet times I and her spend together that makes me remember. It's not knowing if you're alone up their in her head. It's Sunday Drive. Sunday Drive over and over again. I can sing it because it's oft what I turn to when i know her is twisting me lies. And her does it with such delicacy that I let myself be fooled. Then the intuition makes me remember. Silly old intuition. The man gave me intuition, to make me even more paranoid than I was.
The most beautiful things by Jimmy Eat World was something I'd never fall for. Maybe her knew that. Maybe her thought her knew that. Alasssss, no such luck for yours truly. Although, I guess in a warped sense, I have been living it. "Oh lie to me, Oh love me" I refer to. I guess rather than wanting to be lied to about being loved, I'm being lied to and continuing to love. Am I at fault for not ending it? The man would say yes. He'd say "Fuck you, yes". And I suppose he's somewhat right. I guess I could just end it.
But the man also made sure I couldn't do that. He made it so that love was real. He made it so I couldn't leave, even if I wanted to. Because in the end, I never wanted to. If x = 1, don't break up with her because you love her. If x = 0, don't break up with her because you love her.
So I'll just be bitter. I'll keep using the bag without gloves. I'll keep drinking till I'm drunk. I'll keep writing lines to the internet (probably not lol). I'll keep loving even though it's killing me. Am I waiting to not have to tell myself her is lying? Am I waiting to know he and her aren't interested, and am I waiting for he to tell me he knew all along. I'll be waiting a long time if I am. Not too much choice though. Thanks man. Thanks world. Fuck you too.
Oh, happy birthday R + M
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1 comment:
You should really wear wraps when you punch the bag dear.
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